19th November. International Men’s Day they call it. Or is it world toilet day? As the Guardian newspaper put it, is it one for the lads or one for the lavs? Frankly this pisses me the hell off. Could they not have found another day? Not to knock of the importance of proper sanitation as more than 2+ billion people around the world don’t have access to proper toilets. But isn’t the reason we allocate days to be able to tackle issues wholly? With one voice? These two together makes no sense. How the UN came up with this baffles me each year.

Anyway, as we celebrated this international day for men, calls for among other things, positivity, mental health, acceptance, equality and generally enjoying the day filled the interweb. In between those cheerful message was a peculiar complain, “Men do not have a voice. Especially in today’s world.” Came across it one too many times that I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Felt a bit off. Considering all the patriarchal benefits afforded to men from generation to generation. This statement makes no sense until you look at the numbers;

· 76% of global suicides are men.

· 85% of homeless people are men..

· 70% of homicide victims are men.

· 40% of domestic abuse victims are men.

· 92% of workplace deaths are men.

· Men are 3 / 4 more times likely to be jailed for the same crime as women.

· Indifference towards worldwide male victims of atrocities.

Looking at the stats above one should be horrified, but considering the atrocities that women have faced for generations it is easy to forget that men suffer too.

So, how does not having a voice come about? First call out has to be to other men. Those who chew others for speaking up. Choosing to view them as weak. As wimps, soft, girly, crybabies among other derogatory terms they’ll throw at their fellow men for choosing to speak about what they are facing, what they are feeling and how wrong perception has affected them.

Second has to be the norms instilled in us by society. A society that teaches men to take everything in stride and “move on”. Bury it deep inside and forget about it because that is what it is to be a man. Bunch of bullocks. With this, most times talk about the troubles they face they aren’t taken seriously. Case and point, every seen how a man is laughed out of a room if he claims to be physically assaulted by a woman? This according to them laughing earns him no respect & he should fight to get it back. Violence for violence. An eye for an eye where everyone goes blind and he goes to jail.

Last is the “even we” groups of people. People want to talk about their problems and they want to air theirs in the same breathe. Granted that no problem is classified superior to the other but would it cost anything to talk about one at a time? Extensively and come up with good solutions without starting a gender war in the comment section of such topics. Every issue is important and so is every opinion. But there has to be a defined place where an opinion can contribute rather than harm.

So, as we continue to celebrate the IMD every year, I think it is important to note that;

1. As a man, it is okay to talk more. Not only about hopes and dreams but also about what and how you feel.

2. As a man, it is okay to ask and accept help from friends, family and spouses.

3. As a man, it is okay to be chill without the pressures of patriarchal toxicity.

4. And lastly, as intended of this day, we should strive for gender equality + equity and patiently continue to remove the negative images and stigma associated with men in the society.